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| You know, it's kind of sad when I write about 4 drafts for xanga posts, which is all more than what I write in English and Art History combined. And it's not just because it's "art school." Some kids have to write more than me. WAY more than me.
Today I took a nap in my friend's room while she was taking a shower/doing drawing homework/stretching her canvas. How I slept through all that, I don't know. It was about an hour, but I had a really vivid dream. I dreamed that I woke up from my nap and it was super warm and toasty. Heather was hanging out with my friend Melody. I hadn't done my homework yet, and I was falling asleep again, so I left her room to go do my homework. all with my laptop and Heather's Clemson flip-flops. Going down the hall, I saw John and Josh decorating the front of their door. Except, the door turned into a lounge, where Sam P., Poop, Seth and Tarver were. They all made fun of Heather's Clemson flip-flops, and said USC was better (weird, since Seth and Tarver go to Clemson, right?) Anyhow, Sam P. made me eat some pizza that was free because some kid ordered it to the lounge and when it got delivered, he didn't pick it up. (Besides the part where he'd have to have paid...) I was really full because I had just ate Cosi (which is true, I had that before I went to take my nap). Then Poop started making fun of me, and Tarver and Seth wanted me to play the Xbox with them, and I woke up from my nap.
I think I'm missing my people. :(
John Kelly and Caroline are coming over tonight. :]
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| I had a dream about a Hispanic guy named Nate. I remember writing his full name down, but I can't remember what his last name was. And no, I do not know any Hispanic guys named Nate. Or any guys named Nate, for that matter. It was a weird dream, not that I remember it very well. It was when I pulled another all nighter, went to class, and came back. I slept from 12 to 7pm. It was kinda weird.
Halloween was uneventful, to say the least. I went to Chinatown with Melody and these two Korean guys. Then Melody and I were going to go to the Halloween parade but it rained, so we decided not to go. I bought my own Halloween candy and ate it. I took a nap in the lounge instead of actually doing homework.
This whole weekend we stayed up until about 6/7am, and waking up late (except for Thursday night; we went to sleep at 10am).
John Kelly and Caroline are coming to visit.
Melody and I have finally reconciled (sort of) with Ariel, our token princess. We hung out tonight, just being our silly selves and having super Asian dinner together (rice, with seaweed, and dried shredded pork. We're too lazy to actually cook.)
Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping after class because I really don't have anything to eat.
I suspect I'm kind of actually turning insane, but I'm not quite sure yet at the moment. Let you know about that later. :]
Hope you guys had an eventful Halloween. :]
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| I got my first A+ in drawing class. Totally worth it for an all-nighter. I just got an A on the last landscape, and I stayed up for almost 3 nights. He kept it, so I can't put a picture of it up. My Art History midterm is next week. I should really clean my room.
The Miyavi concert got postponed. It kinda makes me mad since I was looking forward to it. I hope it's not going to be pushed back to the first week of November, because John Kelly and Caroline Brock are coming up to visit me. :]
Olivia might, too. I don't know because neither she nor my sister has contacted me yet.
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| If our capacity to love, given how large it can be (assuming), then I believe our capacity to grieve is even larger, because that also requires love.
This will not make me stronger, or weaker. It just means I'm learning to cope.
I'm not weak to cry. I'm not weak to buy pineapple buns (菠蘿包) and break down while eating them because I remembered he loved them as much as I did. In front of the school on a bench, where a friend came up to say hi and was startled. I will not compare how well I've known him to other people, specifically people from Southside because I remember him in a special way, as does everyone else. I will not think of everything that he could have done if he were still alve, because that only makes me more depressed. If he could, he would have changed the world. I'm not lying, either.
I went to the temple in Chinatown before class today. I prayed hard. For what, I don't know. For solace, for peace of mind, for something to turn to. For something of higher power to do something, even if my faith wavers erratically, because this is beyond our control.
I will never forget, and will always regret not being back for your funeral. I will come visit you when I get off that plane in December. Your smile will always light up the world.
 Rest in peace, Gary Fan 范景楊。 我永遠都不會忘記你。 | | |
| Life is not fair. Sometimes you win some, sometimes you lose some.
I guess you won this time.
Fuck you.
He didn't deserve it, and you know it.
I'll never forget you. You don't know how big of an impression you left on my life. After I'm over this, I'll keep smiling just for you. Just the way you smiled at the world, and lit up everything around you.
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