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| Sometimes I don't get myself.
I don't see why I'm far from sleeping when there's nothing to do when I'm online.
I don't see how I'm going to succeed as a graphic designer/artist when everything I make is hit or miss-- there's nothing in between. I don't draw in my sketchbook; I don't even sketch. I make it, or I don't. And more often than not, I don't. The things I do make, are pretty good (if I say so myself). I know there's always room for improvement, for getting better at what I do. Except, practice doesn't make perfect for me. Well, I don't really actually practice, either. Maybe that's my problem. I just make things, I don't try, I don't experiment. All my artwork is what it is, it was a first attempt, no mess-ups, no screwed-up-start-overs.
I don't see how I've gone this long doing art the way I do, because it definitely will not be that way in art school/college. I'm trying to practice, draw in my sketchbook (after I found and got the dust off of it), but there's just no creativity. That's another factor that's seriously important in what I do-- I never had inspiration, and what if I never get any inspiration anymore? I thrive on that; I need it like I need air.
Haha, more ramblings. Maybe I'll continue this another time.
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| Summer Log.I hate forgetting stuff. And a lot of the times, I do. Same as Samantha, I'm going keep this as what I'm doing this summer. I'M ACTUALLY DOING STUFF THIS SUMMER. hahaha. :]
May 25th-June 5th: Carmen came home. Various places including the movies, Waffle House, Cranium & swimming at Elizabeth's, the mall. Various people included.
May 31st: Apple Party. Sam's house. Sam x 3.
June 1st: Bowling Night. (Forgot where). Jordan, Siegel, Samantha, Tarver. (I won the last game with a 167!)
June 2nd: Wing's graduation. Her house, then Waffle House, then her house again. Carmen, Elizabeth, Wing, Touyee, Stanley, Franklin, Max, Joey, Tommy.
June 6th: Wing's graduation party. Her house, Mickey D's, (Wal-Mart.) Wing, Elizabeth, Fangda, Max, Yamil, Touyee, Stanley, Lisa, Benny, Johnny, Tommy, Franklin, Jason.
June 8th: Random Hangout Day. The mall, Falls Park, Stanley's house, Elizabeth's restaurant. Elizabeth, Wing, Stanley, Touyee, Tommy. Then Franklin and Max. (& Simon and Cheekeng.)
June 9th: Charlene's house. Siegel, Charlene, Yamil.
June 10th: Samantha's house (driveway), Samantha's house, movie theater (The Hangover) , Siegel's house (Dodgeball, Blades of Glory, pretzel chips). Yamil, Siegel, Charlene, Samantha (x2), mini-Siegel.
June 13/14th: Work. Home. Lived vicariously through Carpe Diem by Autumn Cornwell. Watched TMNT at 4-5 in the morning. Enjoying summer by myself. :]
June 15th: Shipwreck Cove with Howard, Elizabeth, Touyee & Stan. Red Lobster afterwards.
June 16th: Hollywood 20. The Hangover (again, yay.) with Jennifer, Wing Ling, Touyee, Stanley, Jakie, and Jason. I felt bad because I brought 3 minors in to watch the movie. But hey, they're guys. I think they'll be okay. Jennifer's house afterwards (I think. I can't remember).
June 25th: Movies with Samantha, Charlene, Kinu, and Tarver. (The Propsal). Helped Tarver changed the marquee for the mall cinema. Waffle House, Jordan joined us.
June 27th: Dragon Boat Festival in Downtown Greenville. A bunch of Asian people were there, and afterwards went to Noodleville + bowling + pool with Ranni, Neil, Tim, Wing Ling, Elizabeth, Nikolai, Touyee, & Stanley.
June 29th: Slept over at Sam's.
June 30th: Carowinds with a shit ton of people. Samantha, Yamil, Jordan, Taylor, Alissa, Rebecca, Caitlin, Charlene, Siegel, Tarver, Stephanie, and Aaron. Cranky for the second part of the day, until we had food.
July 3rd: Shot fireworks with my cousins Thomas & Theresa, and their daughter Christy at Vanessa and Tiffany's.
July 4th: Went to Vanessa and Tiffany's, then Elizabeth's to eat and swim. Hung out with the family + Nikolai, Frank, Touyee, Stanley, & Max.
*insert Apple Party here. (I forgot what day that was.)
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| I'm so tired. Haha.
Heather and JP's graduation parties tonight.
Woke up at 7:30 (technically 8) and played tennis for 5 hours until 1PM. Rained on and off, so we played even in the rain. Then I played badminton and football for a while at Heather's and JP's, so that made me even more tired.
Party-hopping with the gang! :D Haha.
Anyway, for a more serious post about what I've been thinking (rather than what I've been doing...) Sometimes I feel that a bunch of things could have happened during high school. If I made other decisions than what I have, I think things would have turned out SO differently. Yet, I'm okay with the decisions I made. They might not have been the best, I guess I regret a few (if I had to think about it; about some decisions I've made, I'm sure I do regret some. I can't think of any at the moment.) but I think I've turned out alright. This sounds like a reiterating/continuation of my last post, but I've been thinking about different things, even if they kind of sound the same.
My blog's losing it's purpose a lot of times, I realize. So, I guess that's my downfall. And then when it just kinda goes away... I dunno
Haha. Dunno what I'm saying, so whatever. | | |
| I feel like such a kid.
Well, a really weird, grown-up kid.
So, since I don't have anything to do, I've been watching movies I haven't gotten to see because of school.
So far, I've watched Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, Spiderwick Chronicles, and Inkheart. They're all based on books I've read before (except for the Spiderwick Chronicles. I have a feeling I'm not going to though.) when I was younger. Like, middle school-young.
I'd so much prefer watching such movies (like Harry Potter) rather than, say, a comedy (like Pineapple Express). Haha. Also, I watched Letters from Iwo Jima. That was such a sad movie. So, it's either kiddie-action/adventure movies, or historical war films. I'm such a nerd.
I don't even know why I'm blogging about this. Maybe I'm just that bored. Summer's here, school's out. No more high school. I guess there's a bittersweet feeling, but I don't really care. It'll hit me sooner or later.
So, I've had this blog for about, four years. This thing's documented so much of my high school experience. I'll probably continue in college (maybe), but I'm just saying, this is like a life marker, thing. Sometimes when I have nothing to do, I read back over my blogs, and I feel weird. haha. I can't really explain that feeling, but it's like I'll never have it again; sometimes I'm glad, sometimes I'm not. There are regrets, mistakes, and memorable experiences. I feel that it's documenting a change that has all lead to the today's me. Maybe I feel that I haven't changed, but maybe you've seen that I have. In any case, I'm happy with the me that's been shaped. I still want the writing skills I used to have back, though. Just like my piano skills, which are at the moment, nonexistent (okay, I can play like, 3 songs but that's it.)
I'm not going to say I can't wait for anything, because I can. I'm excited for college, but I still want summer to be as slow as possible. I want a long two months before I have to start a new life with new people, new places, new routines. I want to treasure this routine more than anything right now. All of high school has built up to this: it's my peak, and I'm gonna enjoy the ride down the slope.
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| Hahaha.
I thought I was feeling great.
I'm just an overreacting, psychotic little freak.
And I'm in depression, I've noticed.
That makes for a GREAT combination.
Also, I've worn my contacts to sleep, I look dreadful, and we have Awards Day tomorrow (not that I care, but I really don't want to be sitting through all that.) Oh, and I have to work.
FUCK.
Someone hit me up with some tequila.
Oh yeah, I've decided I'm just really falling apart from the inside out. But not physically. Because I don't want to be Michael Jackson.
What the hell is up with me?
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