VisuaL_Schok_Therapy's Xanga

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:55:48 GMT

You know, it's kind of sad when I write about 4 drafts for xanga posts, which is all more than what I write in English and Art History combined. And it's not just because it's "art school." Some kids have to write more than me. WAY more than me.

Today I took a nap in my friend's room while she was taking a shower/doing drawing homework/stretching her canvas. How I slept through all that, I don't know. It was about an hour, but I had a really vivid dream. I dreamed that I woke up from my nap and it was super warm and toasty. Heather was hanging out with my friend Melody. I hadn't done my homework yet, and I was falling asleep again, so I left her room to go do my homework. all with my laptop and Heather's Clemson flip-flops. Going down the hall, I saw John and Josh decorating the front of their door. Except, the door turned into a lounge, where Sam P., Poop, Seth and Tarver were. They all made fun of Heather's Clemson flip-flops, and said USC was better (weird, since Seth and Tarver go to Clemson, right?) Anyhow, Sam P. made me eat some pizza that was free because some kid ordered it to the lounge and when it got delivered, he didn't pick it up. (Besides the part where he'd have to have paid...) I was really full because I had just ate Cosi (which is true, I had that before I went to take my nap). Then Poop started making fun of me, and Tarver and Seth wanted me to play the Xbox with them, and I woke up from my nap.

I think I'm missing my people. :(

John Kelly and Caroline are coming over tonight. :]

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 06:26:21 GMT

I had a dream about a Hispanic guy named Nate. I remember writing his full name down, but I can't remember what his last name was. And no, I do not know any Hispanic guys named Nate. Or any guys named Nate, for that matter. It was a weird dream, not that I remember it very well. It was when I pulled another all nighter, went to class, and came back. I slept from 12 to 7pm. It was kinda weird.

Halloween was uneventful, to say the least. I went to Chinatown with Melody and these two Korean guys. Then Melody and I were going to go to the Halloween parade but it rained, so we decided not to go. I bought my own Halloween candy and ate it. I took a nap in the lounge instead of actually doing homework.
This whole weekend we stayed up until about 6/7am, and waking up late (except for Thursday night; we went to sleep at 10am).
John Kelly and Caroline are coming to visit.
Melody and I have finally reconciled (sort of) with Ariel, our token princess. We hung out tonight, just being our silly selves and having super Asian dinner together (rice, with seaweed, and dried shredded pork. We're too lazy to actually cook.)
Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping after class because I really don't have anything to eat.
I suspect I'm kind of actually turning insane, but I'm not quite sure yet at the moment. Let you know about that later. :]
Hope you guys had an eventful Halloween. :]

Friday, October 23, 2009

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 06:50:04 GMT

I got my first A+ in drawing class. Totally worth it for an all-nighter. I just got an A on the last landscape, and I stayed up for almost 3 nights. He kept it, so I can't put a picture of it up. My Art History midterm is next week. I should really clean my room.
The Miyavi concert got postponed. It kinda makes me mad since I was looking forward to it. I hope it's not going to be pushed back to the first week of November, because John Kelly and Caroline Brock are coming up to visit me. :]
Olivia might, too. I don't know because neither she nor my sister has contacted me yet.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:59:10 GMT

If our capacity to love, given how large it can be (assuming), then I believe our capacity to grieve is even larger, because that also requires love.
This will not make me stronger, or weaker. It just means I'm learning to cope.
I'm not weak to cry. I'm not weak to buy pineapple buns (菠蘿包) and break down while eating them because I remembered he loved them as much as I did. In front of the school on a bench, where a friend came up to say hi and was startled. I will not compare how well I've known him to other people, specifically people from Southside because I remember him in a special way, as does everyone else. I will not think of everything that he could have done if he were still alve, because that only makes me more depressed. If he could, he would have changed the world. I'm not lying, either.
I went to the temple in Chinatown before class today. I prayed hard. For what, I don't know. For solace, for peace of mind, for something to turn to. For something of higher power to do something, even if my faith wavers erratically, because this is beyond our control.
I will never forget, and will always regret not being back for your funeral. I will come visit you when I get off that plane in December. Your smile will always light up the world.

Rest in peace, Gary Fan 范景楊。
我永遠都不會忘記你。

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:26:25 GMT

Life is not fair. Sometimes you win some, sometimes you lose some.
I guess you won this time.
Fuck you.

He didn't deserve it, and you know it.
I'll never forget you. You don't know how big of an impression you left on my life. After I'm over this, I'll keep smiling just for you. Just the way you smiled at the world, and lit up everything around you.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 22:26:36 GMT

On second thought, life sucks. And then you die alone. Today I've never felt more depressed, or how bleak my future would be. Or how different I am from everyone, in a way that no one here really understands.
Like, how I love to spout random junk because I feel like it, or why I don't take showers everyday, or why I am the way I am. Then I realize that the people you meet now will never understand me in a way that my high school friends did.
Today sucked because I didn't do anything except homework. And even then, I didn't do much. I was sharpening my pencils over a large trashcan, and then I dropped it down there. I looked for it but I didn't find it. I only have one. That's something that doesn't really matter, something small. But it made everything just seem worse for some reason. Well it was just after I got ditched, so I guess it's normal.
I think I'm still not used to being alone just yet.
Sorry for the ranting post. :[

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 13:43:21 GMT

I did no homework this weekend. Specifically drawing homework, which is super important.
I spent most of it doing my essay on love, which I thought woulda been super easy, but it's really not. I'm still not done with it.
You'd think that since I have Fridays off, I could be out partying somewhere or something, but all I've really done is spend Fridays sleeping in and doing homework.

After this week, is Halloween. Apparently my school's famous for their Halloween party, but I don't even have a costume, and I don't know if I want to go. Also, the Miyavi concert is the week after this, on Wednesday. Two kids in my class are going to skip class (ie, leaving early at 12) to get in line. I don't know if I should go with them or not. I just don't feel right skipping class. >_<;;
There's an All Time Low + Friday Night Boys + We The Kings concert on Dec. 4th. I don't know if I want to go. I mean, I'd love to see them play, but no one would go with me if I decided to go, because no one listens to the type of music I do. Or rather, I have yet to meet anyone that does.

It's getting colder. Feels like Christmas for some reason, when we walk the streets at night, and I've got my long red scarf, and the wind's blowing that cold air in our faces. I love it. I kind of want to spend Christmas in New York, but I really want to go home. XDD

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:11:15 GMT

I don't like my English class essay prompts. So vague, so interesting, so hard to write. This is the one I got today (he changed it from last week's.) -- How do you know that you've been in love before?

I had a proficiency exam today, which means I didn't have class. It took me about an hour, and then I left. Which means I barely had class since I left at 10 (it starts at 9). The prompt was to agree or disagree on (this guy's paper-- he's a gay activist) whether we think gay marriage should be legalized or not. Guess which argument I chose? haha. Anyhow, I believe I presented my case well enough, even if the paper doesn't really matter all that much.
I went to Chinatown and then Soho (again) with my cousins. I stayed at Mindy's apartment for most of the time. I watched tv all day. I miss watching tv.
MY RADIATOR WORKS. YAY FOR HEATTTT. (it didnt work before)

When I think about it, there's no way that we could go back to what we once were. People change, things change, places change. Now, I'm afraid for Christmas. I don't want to go back, and have everything changed. Our relationships, they stretch and grow and maybe they'll even snap. I'm not talking about the people close to me-- I'm talking about the acquaintances from high school. The people I once thought I knew.
Music is something that defines my life greatly. When I listen to a song I know, it brings back memories of either places, time periods, or people that have something to do with that music. Lately I've been listening to old music instead of new music. Somehow this tells me I'm not moving forward even though I should be-- that I'm reluctant to, even though I've already physically moved and met new friends and such.
I don't know if I've grown as a person, because inside, I really feel the same. I can see faults where most people don't see, which makes me more judgmental than most. Then I get annoyed with myself.
Today when I was taking my proficiency exam, when I was thinking about what to write, I thought that maybe I thought that way only because it was the influence of my friends. People DO influence you, but ultimately, you make up your own mind, and you have your own reasons for believe the things you do. You're not blind sheep. Erik said that he's not swayed by the people around him; nothing gets to him. I believe I'm the total opposite. You could say that I breathe friends. So maybe we'll all need a little down time; a little time for ourselves. But nonetheless, I need people.
My cousins are growing up more and more each day. There are certain things I believe they should know, and I wish I were there to teach them, to help them. I wish my family were here-- the city is as much as mine as it is theirs. I was always accompanied by them when I used to go to the city.

This pang of homesickness will pass. This depression will pass. There are things to look forward to. I hate doing things by myself, but I will learn how to, eventually. And I will grow.

never ask art majors to split the bill.

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 07:54:55 GMT

I went to Soho today to go shopping! It's the first time I've gone shopping NOT for art supplies ever since I've moved here.
I went with Melissa, Rachel, and Joohee.
I bought 2 cups from Urban Outfitters, a bowl from Muji, and a fleece jacket from Uniqlo.
Yesterday was Erik's birthday (my newly found brother) and so we went to Crumbs to get him some cupcakes. It was a surprise that I didn't get any... I dunno why. Didn't feel like cupcakes. It's kinda scary.

My sister didn't come down here, and I didn't go to Jersey with my cousin Mindy. I spent two hours cleaning my room, because when it gets to a certain point of dirtiness, I'm OCD as hell, and will clean and wipe everything down.
It was colder today. Definitely felt like fall. I kind of like it. Maybe I can whip out those boots I bought earlier this year. lol.
I have nothing to say, really.
And Sam, I read your xanga post, but I have yet to comment on it, so give me some time :]

My bowl and two cups. :] Everyone else got a cup with a different number. They're stackable, so it's pretty spiffy.

Coke can shaped glass :] Super coool. and it was only 5 buckssss.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 09:41:40 GMT

To go home, means my room now.
The feeling's a bit weird, but it's home. This small, cozy 8x10 room. I haven't slept in it for 2 days, so the feeling's great to be on a bed.
I pulled two all-nighters in a row. Drawing, on a 23 x 29 paper (granted, there's a 3 inch border, but whatever.)
I feel like a zombie. After my 6 hour drawing class (upon where I proceeded to fall asleep every 5 minutes. But it's okay, because everyone looked the same), we went to the Met. We looked at things we discussed in Art History, but it's a shame I couldn't concentrate, because I was too tired. It felt like a blur, and afterwards, we got off the subway at East 23rd, and had to walk to West 21st, and back to East 23rd again, because we dropped off our portfolios in our classroom. Talk about being tired.
I came back, went to Chipotle with Sohyoung (around 7), and slept everything off. Now I'm awake!

I'm going shopping with my cousin Mindy in Jersey this weekend, and my sister is possibly coming to visit me. :]
[click on any of the pictures to view them larger]

This is the thing I labored over. I guess you can't really tell, but there were a lot of details on it. The abyss part of it was a bitch to cover, because the paper was really toothy, and he didn't want a glare on it (but there was one anyway) (A)

First homework drawing I did. Still life with vegetables. Looks slightly off because I took the picture at an angle. (B+)

Still life with five objects from "home." Needless to say, I don't own heels like that. Only the little model's mine. Everything else are my friends'. XDD (A-)